JUST ONE THING
Changing the Dynamic
Episode 62
With Rick White, 180BIZ
Everyone just doesn't seem to be as nice anymore. Right? Everyone seems to be under so much anger and stress and pressure. So, why are people so nasty today?
The first thing I want to talk to you about is DYNAMIC. Dynamic is a situation where over time we tend to label people. Such as lazy, slow, and problematic. But the reality is labels tend to put us in these little boxes. If you think someone's hard to get along with, your brain actually starts to expect it and look for situations that reinforce that expectation. So, this is what I call the dynamic of the relationship.
What's even worse is the person that you're dealing with has a dynamic too. Let me give you an example. You're traveling. And something happens to your flight. It gets canceled. Now you're standing in a long line waiting to talk to a representative to get it taken care of. Now, as you're going through that line, you're getting yourself more and more worked up about how the flight was canceled and what it's doing to you and why don't they care. And I've got all this stuff going on and don’t they know what this is doing to me? So, you're coming into it with that dynamic because you're expecting the representative to not care, not be engaged.
This is someone you've never met before, but you've already labeled them. Do you see what I'm getting at? You already labeled them. Now let's look at it from the representative’s perspective. He/She is standing there thinking, “Oh God, look at this line. They're all going to hate me. No one wants to work with me. They're all mad at me. So, I will be standoffish so it doesn't hurt me the way it could and should. You can change this by changing the dynamic.
The second thing is the FOCUS and I've already kind of gone over that. It's what you're focused on and the meaning you give it that makes a difference. So, let's say you have a tech in the shop that makes a mistake. You're overscheduled, overbooked, and overworked. You don't have time to get everything done if everything goes right. But then something goes wrong, and it was something within your control. Your team could have made sure it didn't happen, but it did. You just let your emotions run wild, put them in the driver's seat. What happens now is you're in complete react mode. You're going in there and you're looking at it completely from how it is impacting you. Be careful of that. Why?
Because of the third thing that you can look at and work on, which is the PERSPECTIVE. So this tip of the pen is the concern, but all the way around this pen is a different way to look at it. It's a different way to see the situation, different perspectives. Yes, you have a particular perspective based on how you believe the situation impacts you at this moment. But so doesn't someone else. They have different perspectives. Understand that perspective is what makes up your reality. It's not reality itself. It's how you view and interact with what's going on that creates your perspective, your reality.
We've talked about dynamic, focus, and perspective. So what do we do? The first thing I will do is give you some strategies. The first thing I want to talk to you about is let's change the dynamic. What if we go into this and see the other person, most of the time when we go into a situation that's pretty highly charged. The world stops at the end of your nose. What I'm asking you to do for just a moment is to step back and ask yourself how the other person feels about this. What if I were them? What would I be feeling?
Let's go back to that customer service rep at the airline. If you went up to them, instead of getting upset, you looked at them and said, “I can't imagine what you're going through right now. It must be really tough. I commend you for what you're doing. And thank you. Believe it or not. There are some people here that care.” What do you think that does to the entire dynamic? Does that make her or him nicer? Maybe I've got a much better chance of it happening if I can see things from a perspective and a different focus. So I want you to expect the best. That's the first strategy EXPECT THE BEST from other people.
The second is to STAY CURIOUS. When you're curious and you expect the best, it's amazing what that dynamic can do. People can sense it, and it makes a difference, expect the best. Try to see it from another perspective and then recognize and empathize with what they're going through. And it might sound like, “Wow, you're going through a lot of stuff. And I get what you're saying. What you're doing is a big deal. I really appreciate you being here. Thank you so much. And this is what I'm hoping can happen, but I understand if it can't, it's okay.” You're going to be amazed at how people will move heaven and earth to help someone that just sees them, hears them, and appreciates them. According to Brene Brown, those are the core ingredients to connection.
Connection can be a momentary glance. It can be a momentary interaction, or it can be a lifetime. We can change and impact people in a positive way. And if we want this world to get better, it is up to us. So, I'm going to do this really quick. I got this beautiful quote that I love and I'm actually reading it from my phone. It says:
I Wanted to Change the World
When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world.
I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation.
When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family.
Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world.
God bless, stay safe, and go make some money.
